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Confidence Tips for Agoraphobics

(Back by popular demand).

As promised, here is a list of things I went through to try and regain my confidence before my big move. Some helped more than others, but I think they should all be included, because every little step helps.

Tip 1:  Baby steps

This is probably the most useful tip of them all. That’s why it’s number one. Sometimes, it’s just great to go all out and take on the world, but when it comes down to it, baby steps can be the best course of action. If you’re dealing with any sort of phobia, exposure is typically recommended as the best way to overcome it. You can expose yourself in two ways. Completely submerge yourself in your feared subject. Or gradually work up to it. Both can build your confidence substantially, but gradual exposure is the easiest way to go. Especially if you suffer from Agoraphobia with Panic.

When I say baby steps, I mean break your challenge up into small, manageable pieces or goals. For instance, here’s what I did:

• ·         Day 1: Got myself ready to leave the house. Packed a bag, put my shoes on, applied sunscreen and makeup. Came to terms with going outside. Planned a course of action. Went to the front door. Opened it. Closed it. Sat back down on the couch.
• ·         Day 2: Got myself ready to leave the house. Walked out of the front door. Walked to the mailbox. Turned around. Went back home.
• ·         Day 3: Got myself ready to leave the house. Walked out the front door. Walked to the mailbox. Kept walking to the end of my street (half a block). Went back home.
• ·         Day 4: Walked to the end of my street. Pushed myself to turn onto the next street. Walked to the telegraph pole. Made it the entire way around my block of apartments. Went home.
• ·         Day 5: Pushed myself to walk around the entire block (much larger than the apartment block).

Before I knew it, I was able to go on walks twenty, thirty, forty minutes away from home. Breaking up the tasks into small parts makes it seem less overwhelming and more manageable. Plus, you’re less likely to get anxious over something you proved to yourself just yesterday that you can survive.

Tip 2: Get a Buddy                                                

This can be difficult because it means confiding in someone your condition, but it was invaluable for me. I selected a darling friend of mine to inform of my accomplishments. Even when I felt pathetic and self-critical, with thoughts like “ooh, look at you, you walked around a block billions of people do that daily”, she was always so genuinely proud of me. And when she was proud, it made me proud. And my thoughts changed to “yes, I am awesome, I walked around a block”.

This person can be anyone. A friend. A parent. Someone you meet on a forum. Even me, if you wanted. Someone who will be honestly and completely proud of every step you make. Someone who can keep you feeling good about yourself, who can reflect your bravery and your strength back on you. Someone who will make you feel incredible. Because, you know what? Agoraphobia is hard to cope with. And every little step you take to overcome it is absolutely fantastic, and you deserve to be told that.

Tip 3: Know your way

If you’re walking the areas around your house, this step is typically a given. Still, it’s much less menacing when you stick to exploring places you know in the early stages of exposing yourself to outside. For instance, I followed the way I used to walk to a supermarket not far from my old place. You can work your way up to venturing to new places, but keep it simpler on yourself to start with and stick to what, or where, you know.

Tip 4: Celebrate

This could very easily be viewed by some as positive reinforcement, but I think it’s very important to the recovery process no matter how you think of it. Celebrate your achievements. Why not? Even if you do something as silly and undervalued as dancing around your bedroom to I’m A Survivor (which I’ve done), or something as extravagant as ordering an entire clothes catalogue worth of outfits online, reward yourself after you reach a goal. It’s so important- and so fun. And why not? Going outside is hard. You deserve to be treated just for attempting it. Even if your achievement is small and you feel like you fell short, celebrate it. It keeps you in an optimistic – and thus, brave – state of mind, and makes your goals feel a bit more attainable.

“Walk until I’m not afraid anymore” is a lot harder to do than “walk until I deserve an ice cream”.

Tip 5: Pace yourself

Even though I listed in steps how I worked myself up to drive away from home in Tip 1, these weren’t achieved in five days. In fact, it took me about a week and a half. I rationalised it that I would challenge myself on one day, then have a day’s rest. This can fall under the category of “reward”, but it’s hard for a Uni student to expel so much energy trying to build herself up to walk around the block daily and still get her work done. Tackling it head on is great, and if you can do it, don’t let be hold you back. But I found that telling myself to get outside every single day made the entire resolution daunting and overwhelming and made me want to not face it at all.

If this is your first time going out for a really long time, it might be best to single out one day a week to dedicate to challenging yourself. That’s how I started off. Now I’m hanging on to the “every other day” mark. And I’m pretty proud of that, honestly.

Tip 6: Don’t beat yourself up.

If you can’t achieve a goal, don’t bring yourself down because of it. This stuff can be hard. Do you think people with a fear of heights go out of their way to catch planes every single day? Just the fact that you are open and willing to confront your agoraphobia is an incredible step on its own. You could avoid it for the rest of your life, but you’re choosing not to. Doing that alone is an accomplishment. So if you have a day where you just can’t make yourself, and you work yourself up too much and can’t bring yourself to face it, don’t worry. I’ve been through plenty of those. So long as you don’t give up for good, you’re golden. And there’s always tomorrow.

Tip 7: Go all out

I’ve said before that it’s best to pace yourself and work your way up to the big stuff, but sometimes it pays to go all out and achieve something huge. If you think you’re ready for that, tackle something major. Go for a drive. See a movie. Visit friends. It can be just as beneficial as working up to something, but it can be daunting at first. Just be aware of your limits, and let yourself go. You might surprise yourself.

Tip 8: Be resourceful

You don’t have to go through this alone. You can confide in your friends or your family if you see fit. Mostly, though, what I mean by this step is for you to find things or people that motivate you to face your fear. This can be anything. I’ve used audio tapes and meditational guides that help me keep in control of my feelings and stay focused on what I have to do without letting myself run away with fear. You can join forums and chatrooms to discuss what you’ve achieved. You can get a dog that you have to walk. Whatever you decide to use, let it teach you that you don’t have to go through agoraphobia on your own and that you are strong enough to overcome it. Don’t subject yourself to a podcast that praises you on your inside-staying skills, for instance. Instead, submerge yourself in the help that is available, no matter how small it may seem.

For this step, Rich Presta proved invaluable to me.

Tip 9: Keep busy

I found that the key to not panicking when I was going outside wasn’t to fight my panic inside, but to keep my mind focused elsewhere. I’d count my steps, flick a band against my wrist, count to 100 in Japanese, people-watch, run lists in my head, hum. All sorts of things that kept my focus away from thoughts of “the worst case scenario is going to happen”.

Though, for reasons involving the amount of plasma it drew, I don’t personally recommend flicking a rubber band against your wrist. It hurts.

If you’re catching a bus or doing something where you can sit down without having to concentrate (so, don’t do this in a car), I recommend Sudoku or knitting, just for example. I’d play a game on my phone.

When I was in the car to my new house for the first time, I sang the whole journey. I sang loud and I didn’t care. Flight of the Conchords songs, specifically.

I called it my Karaoke Car.

Basically, any activity that stops you running to anxious thoughts is great. But if you do find yourself thinking about the things you’re afraid of, don’t fight them. Let them come, then let them go. Fighting them makes them seem a lot worse than they are. They’re only thoughts.

Those are my tips, and I tried my best to make them extensive. I’m still learning what works for me, so I may update this list at other times. Also, if anyone has any advice they wish to contribute, let me know.

Otherwise, good luck! I hope at least some of these work for you.

We’ve Moved!

Anxiety and Sunshine has moved to a new blog.

Same URL, but old followers will have to refollow.

http://anxietyandsunshine.tumblr.com/